Breakups are like war. No one really wants to be fighting and if both sides aren't careful, innocents can get hurt. Whether your relationship was abusive, emotionally unavailable, a bore or just a sucky person, it's never easy to split ways. The maelstrom of emotions that can get unleashed makes it all the more difficult as we pull ourselves together.
First things first is clue a friend of yours into what's going on. Only you know how to fix yourself but they can provide valuable insights to keep you on your path. Give Yourself A Hug! Those nasty emotions are headed your way and will be bedding with you for a moment so thank yourself now, while you still want to. You ended an ugly situation because you had to look out for your interests.
Take All The Time You Need
You are going to 'bounce back' on your terms and not a moment sooner. Don't let anybody dictate your time schedule for getting up and running to you. It's a process and it probably won't happen overnight. An important element many of us forget is that you are going to be a radically different person after all this. You learned a lot about yourself recently and that alone can take more than a moment to adjust to.
Now, how you choose to spend your time will dictate how long you'll feel cruddy and how well you will heal and grow. Here is where you can choose to learn a lesson, accept the pain and mature. Choose to learn from and embrace the ugliness of this situation, or run blindly away, not paying attention to your needs and goals. You will lose touch with your true self, in light of the person you are 'supposed to be'.
Meet Someone New
OK, don't try to hard to find a 'rebound' but when you find one, examine how you feel. The faster you can get back on the horse, the better you are likely to feel. It breaks down like this: after a relationship you are left with more time by yourself. This a good thing as you can use the time to recover, understand what happened and cope.
It can be easy to get lost in abstract thoughts and introspection. A rebound can help you gain faster perspective on the new you. The person you 'bounce back' with needs to be able to lay it on thick and take a step back depending on the situation. Staying social helps you keep tabs on what's going on with your evolution as you compare your current reactions to what you would have done in your old relationship. They don't have to be the 'one', just a thorough reflection.
Don't Lose Track Of Why You Split Ways
Once the blows have been dealt and the dust settles, we can find ourselves in a highly emotional state. It helps to write down the reasons we ended the relationship on a piece of paper and post it somewhere you'll see it often. Go over it with a friend that is aware of your situation and add more details if you like. It's important someone knows where you stand in all this and what your goals are. Call them if you start to give in.
With some of the hardships you can foresee, it can be tempting to inject them back into your life. Realize that this is the laziest thing you can do for yourself. Don't turn back to your ex because you're lonely and someone awesome hasn't fallen out of the sky. It's not only counterproductive, but disrespectful as hell. You went through all of that just to turn coat as soon as the weather changed? Stand by your decisions.
Untangle Your Lives From Each Other As Fast As You Can
So you just broke up and you don't really want to see their face right now, but you still have a bunch of your stuff at their place. Come to think of it they have stuff at yours as well. Don't play hostage negotiation. As respectfully and level-headed as you can, set up a time and place to exchange goods. If your situation isn't as even as that, you have their stuff and they have none of yours, or vice versa; the following guidelines well help you make the exchange as painless as possible.
Set up the meeting in a public area and bring a friend with you. This ensures there will be less drama, and your friend will provide support and keep you on task. Also they can be a witness if anything gets crazy. The sooner you get your stuff the more you can close the door on that relationship.
If you were to wait a month to get your stuff back, it can be harder to schedule because it isn't a priority. Also, you spent that month getting over the relationship, and now, while you're still healing, you have to open up old wounds.
Be Mindful Of How Much Harder You're Making Things For Yourself Find The Love Of Your Life
Sometimes when we are really emotional, we snap out at those trying to help or act without thinking. This sort of mindless reaction is what you want to avoid after a breakup. I know it's painful but embrace your feelings, they are indicative of how much you loved them and how much you expected to get out of it.
Don't beat yourself up either. You did what you did because there was no other healthy option. Don't get mad that you stayed in the relationship as long as you did either, no one worthwhile is judging. There is no reason for you to not forgive yourself for trying to love them when they obviously weren't ready for it. Most of all don't feel dumb or weak for feeling as miserable as you do right now. I look at the grieving time I spend after a relationship ends as a way to honor the time I spent with the other person at that frequency.
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